Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.
Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.
Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.
